Series of Misfortunes.

• Never in my life that I feel that I belong, lucky, or a winner. I've never won or achieved anything, not a medal nor a trophy, a standing ovation, not even in a giveaway. I consider myself the most unlucky person in this world. I feel so worthless.
• I feel so down, mostly average. For the fact that I am never good at anything, but I wish I'm good at something. Like how Nada is passionate and skillful about fashion, Inky on her music, even Camie on her witing/blogging. I tried many: violin, drawing, even writing... But it's just not for me. I badly want to tell my love that I want to play the violin just for him, but I can't anymore, for the reason that I really don't know how to play with it anymore, he won't believe me.
• I'd rather live with answers, not questions. I deserve it. When friends leave you hanging, left without saying goodbye, you'll feel cheated and stupid. All those years, moments, memories they put away to waste just like that. It's sad. In reality, I feel the anger inside me for what they've done to me. Friends are supposed to be there for each other through thick and thin. Maybe that's what we're supposed to believe in, it's all lies. They're cowards! Cos they can't tell it straight to your face. 
• I need answers. So that I can wish them well, bid our friendship goodbye and move on...
• Sometimes I think I want to be in an accident. NO, I don't want to die. But I just want to see who really cares for me and who's there through my dark days. But then I realized, I was operated last year cos of appendicitis, only few are those who visited me, mostly relatives and few friends. 
• I feel so stagnant. I am watching my friends move on with their lives and realised how far they have gone, and how long I’ve stayed from where I am now. Maybe it’s because of how the odds were never been inn my favor, or how I suck in decision making, or my fears. It’s like i’m stuck here, but I hope not!
• I hate myself for being fat and not having smooth radiant skin. I hate the world that we live in right now.